Sometimes I amaze myself with my ignorance. How can I still be so clueless? I feel like I put in all the time and effort yet having nothing to show for it. And then I fantasize all kinds of nonsense about what people must surely think of my blubbering, as I so often don’t have any idea what to say, and I just feel very Bible-dumb.
Let’s back up a little . . .
I heard Scripture before I was born – read and sung specifically to me. I was rocked to sleep with Scripture songs, and when I was old enough to speak, I was quoting any memory verses my parents could manage to get into my head. I was in church every single Sunday, and when I started school, the saturation only continued, for my parents’ homeschooling method of choice was framed by, crafted by, and dripping with Scripture. To top it all off, I attended AWANA {an epic Bible-memorization program}, and when they didn’t have classes for my age group, I was personally tutored through the material. And then I went to Bible college. By that time, I had read through the entire Bible several times, and then I read it again, because Bible college.
I tell you these things not to brag, but to say, “I should know something about the Bible!”
One would think.
But here I am. Having led Bible study after Bible study for the past five years. {And we’re talking the organic, in-depth stuff}. I’m on staff at a church. I serve as a counselor at two different Christian ministries. I blog about the Bible, for crying out loud.
And I feel so Bible-dumb.
More often than not, when I read a given passage, I think, “Where did that come from? I have never read this before!” And if I have read it, trust me, I probably have no idea what it means. And then if I figure out what I think it means, I’ve forgotten that tomorrow. So please just give me a heads up if we’re talking Scripture. Ask me to prepare . . . so I can procrastinate in order to “have it fresh on my mind.” But then it will still come out in a mess. But don’t dare put me on the spot, because my brain will immediately explode with a million visions of nothingness. Yes, I’ve probably read/heard/taught/sung these verses a thousand times, but who can tell.
This is me. And this, as strange as it sounds, is my journey.
And as wild as it may be, I love it. And as Bible-dumb as I may be, I press on.
For I’d rather be in the Word speechless and looking like a fool . . . than live without it.
[image credit: unsplash.com ]
Journey of the Word 
PRESS ON! Your “blabbering” is good.
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There’s a sense in which it is a good thing to feel “Bible dumb”. (And I think a lot of us do, honestly.) I never want to feel like I have it all figured out. And I frequently pray that God would give me grace to look at His Word with fresh eyes each time I approach it, to set aside my own worldviews and to see what He is saying and not what my brain wants to hear. The Bible’s depths are never-ending and I’m so glad.
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EXACTLY. Thanks for sharing this! 😉
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Thanks for sharing this! I was just reading in Acts today how God uses us despite our shortcomings. I know he is using your understanding of his word despite feeling bible-dumb at times!
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Thank you for sharing this, Lydia! What a great attitude you have, too! I have found that in those places when people come to me with questions, God somehow gives me the answers (that I honestly had no idea I knew). So many other times, though, I just have to admit that I have no idea. But that is alright, too. We don’t have to be perfect, as long as we are obedient in being in the Word and learning little by little along the way.
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Yes! I think there is beauty in being reminded of things, as if they were new. God’s Word is always fresh and we need it for our daily life. It’s so easy to feel as you called it “Bible dumb”. That’s right where he Devil wants us, so we won’t spend time learning more. Thanks for writing because I’ve often felt this way!
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I think there is such a humbleness to your post. Even though you have studied the Bible for such a long time, you still feel bible dumb. It’s such a great thing to share in a world where we often compare ourselves to others!
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Oh my goodness!! I was just telling a friend that I feel this way! I’ve been a Christian for 11 years, but I’ve still got a lot to learn and that is wonderful because it shows the limitless nature of our God!
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